a brief guide to life

A few strong instincts and a few plain rules suffice us.’ ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life can be ridiculously complicated, if you let it. I suggest we simplify.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote, which I’ve stolen as this site’s subtitle, is the shortest guide to life you’ll ever need:

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

If you live your life by those five words, you’ll do pretty well. For those who need a little more guidance, I’ve distilled the lessons I’ve learned (so far) into a few guidelines, or reminders, really.

And as always, these rules are meant to be broken. Life wouldn’t be any fun if they weren’t.

the brief guide

less TV, more reading
less shopping, more outdoors
less clutter, more space
less rush, more slowness
less consuming, more creating
less junk, more real food
less busywork, more impact
less driving, more walking
less noise, more solitude
less focus on the future, more on the present
less work, more play
less worry, more smiles
breathe

source : http://zenhabits.net/brief-guide/

Few tips for simple life

1. Eliminate stress in your day. Create a morning routine that will influence the rest of your day in a positive manner. I write in my gratitude journal and read from a spiritual text. I’ve recently added meditation into my morning routine. Benefit: More peace and calm throughout your day.
2. Complain less. Currently, the biggest complaint I hear is about the price of gas. You can’t control the price of gas but you can control how much gas you use. For the next three weeks stop complaining about gas. Learn to use only what you need. When you catch yourself complaining begin your three weeks over again. Benefit: Increased personal power, appreciation and happiness.
3. Say ‘yes’ less. Over extending yourself complicates your life. Learn to tell others no when you don’t want to do something. Memorize and repeat this line as needed, “No, that’s not going to work for me.” Pause for five seconds afterwards. You don’t owe anyone a reason or an excuse. If the person persists, repeat it again and pause again. After the second time, the person will get your message. Benefit: Increased self-esteem, self-respect and more time to do what you love.
4. Give less time to the media. Life is difficult enough without unnecessary negativity. Go on a media fast. If you’re afraid of being uninformed about current events, ask somebody, “What’s new?” If you can’t cut the media out completely, watch, read or listen to the news one day a week. Benefit: You’ll fear less about your future and spend more time living in the present, feeling calm and peaceful.
5. Spend less time online. Too much of anything isn’t a good thing. Learn to be present with the people in your life. When I’m having a face-to-face conversation in a check-out lane my phone is in my purse. If I answer my cell phone when a daughter calls, I walk away from my computer. When we eat dinner our phones and computers aren’t invited. We don’t work after a certain time each night. Everyone’s needs are different. Eliminate digital distractions and be more present with those you love. Benefit: Increased communication and intimacy in your primary relationships.
6. Want less. Learn how to love and want what you have. Instead of wanting more material things, express gratitude for your eyesight, hearing, and the ability to breathe. Instead of wanting a perfect body, appreciate the beating of your heart. Awareness increases abundance. Benefit: The ability to recognize you have everything you need and live a more meaningful life.
7. Fill your life with people you love. Eliminate toxic relationships. If someone isn’t bringing you up they’re bringing you down. Detach and surrender the relationships that aren’t working for you. To make this transition easier silently repeat to yourself, “I bless you. I release you. I set you free. I allow you to be you and me to be me.” Benefit: Time and space for healthier, more meaningful and loving relationships.

Source :  http://bemorewithless.com/7-ways-to-simplify-your-life/ 

Tools to avoid misunderstanding

 

Tolerate. Tolerance is a weak virtue, but it’s a good start. If someone’s behavior seems bothersome, it is best to avoid the knee-jerk reactions of fight or flight, and instead find ways to tolerate their differences. For example, let’s say you’re an aspiring minimalist, but your partner is an enthusiastic collector—a clear dichotomy of beliefs. Your partner believes collecting porcelain figurines or vintage guitars is the bomb diggity; you believe their treasures are clutter. So you’re left scratching your noggin, wondering how to convert them to your singularly valid viewpoint, which can be mind-numbingly frustrating. Don’t worry, though, you needn’t get on the same page right way; you need only understand you both have your reasons for being on separate pages. By tolerating someone’s quirks, and allowing them to live happily within their own worldview, you may not understand their obsession with creepy statuettes or unplayed musical instruments, but at least you will be on a path toward understanding that person as an individual—and that’s a big first step. Congrats!

Accept. To truly live in concert with others, we must quickly move past tolerance toward acceptance. Once you’ve made a concerted effort to at leasttolerate the other person’s quirks, their beliefs begin to seem less silly and, in time, more meaningful—not meaningful to you, but meaningful to someone you care about. Once you realize your partner’s collection has a purpose to them, it is easier to accept because it is a part of who they are as a whole person; and while you may not like a particular behavior, you still love the entire person, foibles and all.

Respect. Accepting—not just tolerating, but truly accepting—someone’s idiosyncrasies is difficult, but not nearly as challenging as respecting that person because of his or her idiosyncrasies. Think about it: it took you this many years to arrive at your current credo, so it might be a tad unreasonable to expect someone else to meet you there overnight, no matter how cogent your counterargument. Okay, so perhaps you’d never hoard figurines or guitars, but there are many beliefs you hold that, at face value, seem ridiculous to someone else. But even when other people don’t agree with you, even when they don’t understand your stance, you still want them to respect your beliefs, right? So why not extend that same respect to the people you love? Only then will you move closer to understanding; only then will you begin to realize your worldview isn’t the solitary axiom by which everyone must live. Sure, it’s nice to have a clutterfree home, but it’s even nicer to share your life with people you respect.

Appreciate. With respect in your rearview, understanding is right around the bend. Continuing our example, let’s say your partner experiences great joy from their collection. Why would you want to change that? You want them to be happy, right? Well, if their collection brings contentment to their life, and if you truly care about that person, then their collection should bring joy to your life, too, because happiness is contagious, but only after you get past the arguments, past the stages of tolerance, acceptance, and respect, and honestly appreciate the other person’s desires, values, and beliefs. Many of us navigate different roads toward happiness, but even if we travel separate routes, it is important we appreciate the journey—not only ours, but the journey of everyone we love. When we appreciate others for who they are, not whom we want them to be, then, and only then, will we understand.

Source : http://www.theminimalists.com/understanding/

 

The Realization

Lately I’ve been practicing asking myself a question:

What if this moment were already perfect, everything you needed to be happy?

This question is transformative.

If I’m upset about something, I reconsider the moment and realize that I’m being small-minded about something, and that if I look at the entire moment, I can appreciate how much I have to be grateful for.

Being mad at someone, I can see that actually this person is pretty wonderful and I should be grateful for having them in my life.

Being upset at a situation, I can see how much I actually have, how lucky I am, how great it is to be alive.

And even in non-frustrating moments, I can see how much of a gift this present moment is, and pause to really appreciate everything about it. And then make the most of it.

Is it possible this moment is the perfect blend you need for happiness?

 – By Leo Babauta

Source : http://zenhabits.net/realization/

the best way to control people is to free them

“Even though you try to put people under control, it is impossible. You cannot do it. The best way to control people is to encourage them to be mischievous. Then they will be in control in a wider sense. To give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control him. So it is with people: first let them do what they want, and watch them. This is the best policy. To ignore them is not good. That is the worst policy. The second worst is trying to control them. The best one is to watch them, just to watch them, without trying to control them.” –

Shunryu Suzuki